Super Ninja Ostrich Man

Somewhere in Australia…

A zombie was teaching Johnson about how to drink coffee. They were having breakfast together, having waffles, coffee, cupcakes, and OJ. Then, an dirk wielding ostrich broke through the floor-to-ceiling window. He feinted to the left, then twisted around a put the dirk into the zombie's neck.

"That zombie was thinking of killing you after breakfast," said the ostrich. "By the way, I'm Super Ninja Ostrich Man. That was quite a good victory.  I observed there was a problem when my mind reading skills detected you guys."

"Well, thank you Super Ninja Ostrich Man," said Jack. "Thank you for saving me from that zombie dude."

"No problem," said Super Ninja Ostrich Man. "I'm just here to help… By the way, would you like to be my new side kick? My last one got eaten alive by crocodiles about a month ago."

"Sure!!!" said Joe, "I haven't got anything to anyway."

"Great. Can you meet me at platform 9 and 3/4? It's at the Australian Grand Central Station."

"Yep. I'll go get my car."

***

Later…

"Ok, were going to sneak around that big tree over there, and then were going to go into the that mini valley, and I'll go kill that Voldemort dude that has been bothering Hogwarts. You'll stand off to the side so you don't get killed. Ready? Good."

Then, Joe and Super Ninja Ostrich Man went in. Joe went down to the side to sit on a white log, but got impaled in the behind by the unicorn's horn. (it wasn’t a log).

"Uh-oh," said Super Ninja Ostrich Man. "Oops. That's not good.  But I do need to move on to kill Voldemort."

Then, Super Ninja Ostrich Man went in. Voldemort stood there, waiting for him. Super Ninja Ostrich Man, however moved in right away and attacked. Voldemort was unprepared, so Super Ninja Ostrich Man managed to slice off Voldemort's arm with his claw. Voldemort screamed a blood-curdling scream, and fell over. Super Ninja Ostrich Man began to peck at Voldemort's body, similar to the way birds do with worms. He wriggled, twitched, and then was still.

"That was for getting Joe killed, you idiot," Super Ninja Ostrich Man muttered.

He then returned to Joe's body, and buried it with his super ninja skills. Super Ninja Ostrich Man then flew off to Antarctica to live with the penguins, never to be seen again.